Being A Mother

Being a parent wasn't just about bearing a child. It was about bearing witness to its life.” ― Jodi Picoult, Handle With Care

Although I have many hidden grey hairs and my life expectancy has probably been reduced by 20 years from all the stress it has caused me, I love being a mother. As I watch my almost 21 year old son evolve into manhood I find myself in awe of how big of an accomplishment, as a mother, that really is. I guess as you are going through the motions of everyday life you don't realize how big all the milestones really are. They learn to talk, they learn to walk, they learn to run, they develop talents, they experience emotions, they learn to read, they learn to write, they develop preferences, they are subjected to pain, they get sick, they recover, they have accomplishments, they have disappointments. It all happens and then all of the sudden, there is this adult ... this person, this part of you that has morphed from a tiny baby who needed you to meet their every need and now they stand taller than you, so smart, so prepared, so ready for what lies ahead of them and all along, the one constant in their life was you. Absolutely amazing. Almost unfathomable. I did that. I helped shape this person. He's part of me. I also have two step children and this weekend my daughter was preparing to go her boyfriend's house. She was invited to a Thanksgiving dinner and she couldn't have been more excited. Amidst our errands on Friday I took her to get her hair cut and splurged on a wash, blow dry and style. She was so excited to get her hair washed as she said she had never had her hair washed in a salon before. I found myself reflecting on that simple, silly little thought. Really? She's 15. This is the first time she is getting her hair washed in a salon? Wow. Another first I am witnessing. As a mother we take these things so for granted. She brings me so much joy, a joy that is different and familiar yet new in a very strange way. This afternoon, my 12 year old took it upon himself to make the executive decision to walk home after staying late at school. It was dark and I spent 40 minutes having what felt like a massive heart attack when he didn't answer his cell phone or our home phone and neglected to call me to let me know he had stayed after school. Once I heard his voice on the other end of the line I couldn't decide if I wanted to kill him or if I was just so damn happy and relieved he was okay. I realized that I didn't have to give birth to my children to really love them .... motherhood is about bearing witness to their life, being there, experiencing the good, the bad and sometimes the ugly.